A asked me if I will be taking a break during the festive season? And my immediate answer was "Ya, I will be going for the operation in mid-Dec..."
And A laughed out loud...
I thought back on my answer subsequently... and realised how ridiculous my answer was. How can going for an operation be equated to a break from work??? I guess I had been psyching myself for the operation... and persuaded myself it will be a period of rest for myself... because other than being physically unable to work, I could not extricate myself from work and feel justified to "just rest".
Am I a workaholic? Definitely not. I would rather play all day...
But the commitments and obligations that come with the work had consumed me so much, that I had not been able to find a single good reason to step back. And I am not happy about the dilemma I am in. Still searching for the right answer...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Something Went Wrong Inside Me
It was totally unexpected... It happened so suddenly... And even now, as I recalled the sequence of events, I still find it a little unbelievable that this had happened to me.
Around 1 am on 28 Sep, I woke up with very severe pain in my lower abdomen... there were so much tensions and pains... I struggled to change my sleeping position, and relax my body, thinking that the pain will go away... and after an hour, I gave up and woke HS up, to bring to to the Accident & Emergency (A&E) clinic at Khoo Teck Puat Hospital.
I was in so much pain, I couldn't stand straight and walked slowly... for every slight movement translates into pain. Inside the car, I felt the muscle pulls and tensions every time the car turned to the left or right, and especially when it went over a road hump!
At the A&E clinic, I had a urine test, a blood test and an x-ray done. The doctor suspected there was an infection inside me and prescribed antibiotics and pain-killers for me... and gave me a medical certificate for 2 days. All I could do for the rest of the day, was curling up in bed and sleeping.
I didn't take the painkillers, but the pain subsided over Wed / Thu / Fri... but I was still walking slowly and couldnt stand up straight... so I went back to the A&E clinic again on Fri (30Sep) afternoon. It was another doctor, who suspected that it could be acute appendicitis and sent me for a CT scan... after the result was out, I was warded that night.
However, the CT scan showed that my body had attempted to contain the point of infection and the surrounding areas were all inflammed... it was not clear where is the actual point of infection!!! As I was not having fever, and the pain was subsiding over the past few days, the doctor decided not to operate immediately, but to put me on intravaneous antibiotics to continue to bring down the inflammation. I got discharged on 4Oct, with 14 days hospitalisation leave and more antibiotics to continue the healing process... til the next appointment to review with the doctor next Wed (19Oct).
I am fine for now. There is no more pain. Next step is to follow up with further investigations on the cause of the problem, as well as to remove it (if possible)... I sought a 2nd opinion, and was advised similarly to follow up with a colonoscope, and surgeries etc.. There are different speculations at this point in time, because nobody can tell for sure what was going on inside (though i am not displaying obvious symptoms that are any cause for concerns)... can be appendicitis, diverticulitis, inflammable bowel disease, or even tumour!!!
Sorry to pour out my long story... I am still trying to come to terms with the turn of events!!! I have always been healthy and tough... so it came as a shock that I might have to "slow down" : (
This was totally unexpected... Have I been praying too hard??? I have been struggling to keep up with all my responsibilities and obligations and duties and all... and I yearned for a break... but for the longest time, I could not find a good reason to say I want to take a break... I thought really hard... I painted many scenarios... I thought of getting pregnant and be excused for slowing down (plus a couple of months of maternity leave)!!! I thought of getting hurt and be put out of action for a while!!! I thought of contracting an illness and be forced to recuperate at home!!! I was really desperate!!!
Have I been praying too hard???
Around 1 am on 28 Sep, I woke up with very severe pain in my lower abdomen... there were so much tensions and pains... I struggled to change my sleeping position, and relax my body, thinking that the pain will go away... and after an hour, I gave up and woke HS up, to bring to to the Accident & Emergency (A&E) clinic at Khoo Teck Puat Hospital.
I was in so much pain, I couldn't stand straight and walked slowly... for every slight movement translates into pain. Inside the car, I felt the muscle pulls and tensions every time the car turned to the left or right, and especially when it went over a road hump!
At the A&E clinic, I had a urine test, a blood test and an x-ray done. The doctor suspected there was an infection inside me and prescribed antibiotics and pain-killers for me... and gave me a medical certificate for 2 days. All I could do for the rest of the day, was curling up in bed and sleeping.
I didn't take the painkillers, but the pain subsided over Wed / Thu / Fri... but I was still walking slowly and couldnt stand up straight... so I went back to the A&E clinic again on Fri (30Sep) afternoon. It was another doctor, who suspected that it could be acute appendicitis and sent me for a CT scan... after the result was out, I was warded that night.
However, the CT scan showed that my body had attempted to contain the point of infection and the surrounding areas were all inflammed... it was not clear where is the actual point of infection!!! As I was not having fever, and the pain was subsiding over the past few days, the doctor decided not to operate immediately, but to put me on intravaneous antibiotics to continue to bring down the inflammation. I got discharged on 4Oct, with 14 days hospitalisation leave and more antibiotics to continue the healing process... til the next appointment to review with the doctor next Wed (19Oct).
I am fine for now. There is no more pain. Next step is to follow up with further investigations on the cause of the problem, as well as to remove it (if possible)... I sought a 2nd opinion, and was advised similarly to follow up with a colonoscope, and surgeries etc.. There are different speculations at this point in time, because nobody can tell for sure what was going on inside (though i am not displaying obvious symptoms that are any cause for concerns)... can be appendicitis, diverticulitis, inflammable bowel disease, or even tumour!!!
Sorry to pour out my long story... I am still trying to come to terms with the turn of events!!! I have always been healthy and tough... so it came as a shock that I might have to "slow down" : (
This was totally unexpected... Have I been praying too hard??? I have been struggling to keep up with all my responsibilities and obligations and duties and all... and I yearned for a break... but for the longest time, I could not find a good reason to say I want to take a break... I thought really hard... I painted many scenarios... I thought of getting pregnant and be excused for slowing down (plus a couple of months of maternity leave)!!! I thought of getting hurt and be put out of action for a while!!! I thought of contracting an illness and be forced to recuperate at home!!! I was really desperate!!!
Have I been praying too hard???
I Am The Pencil and The Eraser
Read the following script from a group blog... and couldnt' resist copying it onto my personal blog...
Pencil: I’m sorry
Eraser: For what? You didn’t do anything wrong. P
encil: I’m sorry cos you get hurt bcos of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you’re always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
Eraser: That’s true. But I don’t really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I’ll be gone and you’ll replace me with a new one, I’m actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.
Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They’re always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way… they get hurt, and become smaller (older, and eventually pass on). Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.
“All my life, I’ve been the pencil.. And it pains me to see the eraser that is my parents getting smaller and smaller each day. For I know that one day, all that I’m left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what I used to have…” this is dedicated to parents.
by: Willy LiveStudios
Pencil: I’m sorry
Eraser: For what? You didn’t do anything wrong. P
encil: I’m sorry cos you get hurt bcos of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you’re always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
Eraser: That’s true. But I don’t really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I’ll be gone and you’ll replace me with a new one, I’m actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.
Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They’re always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way… they get hurt, and become smaller (older, and eventually pass on). Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.
“All my life, I’ve been the pencil.. And it pains me to see the eraser that is my parents getting smaller and smaller each day. For I know that one day, all that I’m left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what I used to have…” this is dedicated to parents.
by: Willy LiveStudios
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I Nearly Lost My Life...
in prints. Like everyone else, I have my photographs stored in digital formats on a hard disk. A portable hard disk. And I had not got around to doing the back-up. And I carry the little black box wherever I go.
At the CHA Summer Show (Chicago), this little black box was nearly misplaced!!! That night, when we discovered that it was missing, I couldnt even speak a word. We had to wait til the next day to find out if anyone found it at one of the manufacturer's booths.
That night, as I laid in bed, I very worried and I felt this numb pain creeping up on me... as I envisioned the painful loss of my photos and memories... my sons' baby pictures, my family gatherings, makans with my friends, my own observations... all that had happened to me for the past many years... GONE!!??!!!
I tried to calm myself down... and I remembered my Photo-A-Day Calendar, and the scrapbook layouts, and the mini albums, that I have created over the years... yes, especially the PAD Calendar. I cannot describe how thankful I felt for the time and effort that I had put into creating the PAD Calendar... at least there was some form of snapshots captured of my life!!! I recalled reading a blog entry by Stacy Julian (but I cannot locate it now :( ... alamak!)... where she wrote about how 12 prints are treasured more than the 10,000 that are sitting in our hard disks... I totally agree!!!
Fortunately, the little black box was found the next day in safekeeping with the manufacturer rep. I sighed a huge sigh of relief, and gave thanks for the recovery. I promised myself that I will keep up with the PAD Calendar for the rest of my life. (Oh yes! And back-up my data!!!)
A couple of weeks after the Chicago trip, I received this wonderful message from Shimelle
She puts the right words to my philosophy for scrapbooking... this is sooooo relevant to me... I am truly humbled and touched.
I have so many stories to tell. I have so many thoughts to share. And It is important that I make time for this.
At the CHA Summer Show (Chicago), this little black box was nearly misplaced!!! That night, when we discovered that it was missing, I couldnt even speak a word. We had to wait til the next day to find out if anyone found it at one of the manufacturer's booths.
That night, as I laid in bed, I very worried and I felt this numb pain creeping up on me... as I envisioned the painful loss of my photos and memories... my sons' baby pictures, my family gatherings, makans with my friends, my own observations... all that had happened to me for the past many years... GONE!!??!!!
I tried to calm myself down... and I remembered my Photo-A-Day Calendar, and the scrapbook layouts, and the mini albums, that I have created over the years... yes, especially the PAD Calendar. I cannot describe how thankful I felt for the time and effort that I had put into creating the PAD Calendar... at least there was some form of snapshots captured of my life!!! I recalled reading a blog entry by Stacy Julian (but I cannot locate it now :( ... alamak!)... where she wrote about how 12 prints are treasured more than the 10,000 that are sitting in our hard disks... I totally agree!!!
Fortunately, the little black box was found the next day in safekeeping with the manufacturer rep. I sighed a huge sigh of relief, and gave thanks for the recovery. I promised myself that I will keep up with the PAD Calendar for the rest of my life. (Oh yes! And back-up my data!!!)
A couple of weeks after the Chicago trip, I received this wonderful message from Shimelle
She puts the right words to my philosophy for scrapbooking... this is sooooo relevant to me... I am truly humbled and touched.
I have so many stories to tell. I have so many thoughts to share. And It is important that I make time for this.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
BE RESPONSIBLE...
Lei's teacher posted this message for the boys...
Dear boys,
I hope you can set your priorities right and manage your time properly with regards to homework. If you have difficulties in doing so, you will need to seek help from your parents. The teachers should not hear anyone giving us the excuse that you had tuition and therefore did not have the time to complete your homework, especially when your teachers did not assign you many pieces of work.
It only boils down to how responsible you have been for your own learning. If you had been paying attention in class, you would not be needing tuition. If you have been on task, you would not need a lot of time to complete your work. If you had not wasted time on other activities(such as play or TV), you would have more than enough time for both work and tuition.
BE RESPNOSIBLE at all time, not only for your own learning, but also for your own properties and action.
I have mixed reactions to what she wrote...
(a) I totally agreed that one has to be responsible for oneself... be it for one's own learning, one's own properties and actions, or one's own life.
(b) I totally agreed that one should set one's priorities right and manage one's time properly.
(c) I questioned whether it is really sufficient to pay attention in class, and be able do well in school today, without additional lessons outside.
(d) I questioned where is the balance between schoolwork and play (and even TV)... learning should be an enjoyable process, a joyful journey... and play is a learning process too... but with all these crazy demands and schedules, will the boys truly enjoy learning?
(e) I questioned whether it is really the boys' sole responsibilities to manage their own priorities and time... or it is the parents' fault??? Even as an adult, I have problems managing my priorities and time... how is a young child to know???
(f) I questioned myself as a mother what should I do to help my sons cope with the stress of schoolwork, and keep up with the crazy demands and schedules... and stil continue to enjoy learning???
Dear boys,
I hope you can set your priorities right and manage your time properly with regards to homework. If you have difficulties in doing so, you will need to seek help from your parents. The teachers should not hear anyone giving us the excuse that you had tuition and therefore did not have the time to complete your homework, especially when your teachers did not assign you many pieces of work.
It only boils down to how responsible you have been for your own learning. If you had been paying attention in class, you would not be needing tuition. If you have been on task, you would not need a lot of time to complete your work. If you had not wasted time on other activities(such as play or TV), you would have more than enough time for both work and tuition.
BE RESPNOSIBLE at all time, not only for your own learning, but also for your own properties and action.
I have mixed reactions to what she wrote...
(a) I totally agreed that one has to be responsible for oneself... be it for one's own learning, one's own properties and actions, or one's own life.
(b) I totally agreed that one should set one's priorities right and manage one's time properly.
(c) I questioned whether it is really sufficient to pay attention in class, and be able do well in school today, without additional lessons outside.
(d) I questioned where is the balance between schoolwork and play (and even TV)... learning should be an enjoyable process, a joyful journey... and play is a learning process too... but with all these crazy demands and schedules, will the boys truly enjoy learning?
(e) I questioned whether it is really the boys' sole responsibilities to manage their own priorities and time... or it is the parents' fault??? Even as an adult, I have problems managing my priorities and time... how is a young child to know???
(f) I questioned myself as a mother what should I do to help my sons cope with the stress of schoolwork, and keep up with the crazy demands and schedules... and stil continue to enjoy learning???
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I Need to Scrap...
Today, it suddenly struck me that I NEED to scrap... I NEED to keep up with my personal scrapbooking... I NEED to sit down every other day to cut and paste, and document my life stories.
Because when I do not get to do that, I feel miserable and bored... and grow resentful towards my work!!! I realised that I'd start to blame everything at work for taking up so much of my time, and keeping me away from scrapping!!!
I used to think that my Photo-A-Day Calendar is the project that will satisfy this need of mine... but I am beginning to sense that this is not enough to feed my soul. I still love the project, and am keeping up very well with the daily photo-takings and the monthly completion. But there is still a void inside when I do not get to create layouts that document interesting stuffs that are happening in my life, or exotic places that I visit, or amazing people who touched my life.
So I must make time for scrapping...
Because when I do not get to do that, I feel miserable and bored... and grow resentful towards my work!!! I realised that I'd start to blame everything at work for taking up so much of my time, and keeping me away from scrapping!!!
I used to think that my Photo-A-Day Calendar is the project that will satisfy this need of mine... but I am beginning to sense that this is not enough to feed my soul. I still love the project, and am keeping up very well with the daily photo-takings and the monthly completion. But there is still a void inside when I do not get to create layouts that document interesting stuffs that are happening in my life, or exotic places that I visit, or amazing people who touched my life.
So I must make time for scrapping...
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