I Hate That Feeling

Childcare centre closed today. Xun stays home with me. We're going out with Jet and Ern later in the afternoon.

Xun has been good. He plays by himself. Once in a while, he'll pop into the room to let me taste the pizza, ice cream and cookie he's made with play-doh. Then he had enough of play-doh and asked to play with something else. I set up the laptop for him to play with Dr Seuss' ABC.

I can hear the sounds from that programme and an occasional laugh from Xun, and know that he's enjoying himself. Once in a while, he'll pop into the room to tell the funny things that Icabod and Izzy do when he clicked on the many icons.

Then that familiar feeling starts coming to me. The guilt. Of not spending time with my son. Of choosing to park him in front of the computer so that I can do my own things. Of slipping into the same old dilemma of whether to work or to spend time with my son.

I hate that feeling.